C-Level Listening: The Beliefs and Behaviors that Make Executives Bad Listeners

Listening. We do it every day. It’s innate. Listening isn’t something we have to think about… it’s something we just… do. Right?

Wrong.

Sure, to some degree, listening is natural and automatic. We are aware of the many sounds around us - dogs barking, horns honking, chatter from nearby strangers. We receive information and engage in conversations. But are we really paying attention as well as we could be? More often than not, the answer is ‘no.’

Studies have shown that the majority of us are actually not great at listening. Listening is not an intrinsic ability; it is a skill to be mastered – and an important one, at that. Communication breakdowns as a result of poor listening cause misunderstandings, mistakes, and missed opportunities, and often lead to major conflict in relationships. This is as true in business as it is in our personal lives.

Listening effectively can be a challenge no matter how intelligent, educated, or successful the individual. In fact, as I discussed in the first blog of this series, ‘The Real Reason Leaders Don’t Listen,’ poor listening skills are often among the most common areas CEOs and other high-ranking business leaders need to improve. As its title suggests, my previous blog also identified the primary issue at the root of most listening problems: our egos. We don’t fail to listen because we can’t, we don’t listen because, whether we realize it or not, we don’t want to.

Figuring out the underlying reason for a problem is the first step toward fixing it. Now let’s break this ego thing down a little further.

The Two Bs

Helping my leadership clients develop a desire to listen requires us to journey into the psyche and resolve some deeply rooted stuff. To do this, we must focus on two main areas: Beliefs and Behaviors. In that order.

If we do not first address the underlying beliefs that cause a leader to not WANT to listen, there is no amount of training on the skills – the behaviors – that will resolve their listening problems.

Governing Beliefs

Typically, C-level executives have at least one of the following three false beliefs that keep them from listening:

False Belief #1: Many business leaders believe that they don’t have time to listen. They believe it’s faster or more efficient to tell people what to do.

False Belief #2: Often, those at the top think it’s their responsibility to solve the problems. Executives who fall into this trap believe the boss’ job is to be the “Chief Problem Solver.”

False Belief #3: Some leaders think they are the smartest person in the room. They believe they are more educated, more experienced, or that they have better, more valuable ideas. 

Behavioral Confirmation

What we believe shapes our behaviors. And when we behave according to our beliefs, we tend to produce results that confirm our initial beliefs. Catch-22. Cycle, repeat.

This is a type of self-fulfilling prophecy known as “behavioral confirmation.” The good news is this interwoven cycle works in positive ways, too. Improving behavior, improves results, which in turn, improves beliefs. Want more good news? Once we have a handle on our beliefs, the behavioral aspect is the easier fix.

Poor listeners can develop a number of bad habits when it comes to communication. Here are two of the top overarching categories I regularly address with my executive clients.  

Behavior #1: Weak Questioning Skills

If we don’t know how to ask good questions, it’s logical that we won’t get very strong answers. When the boss doesn’t get quality input from the team, it furthers his or her belief that they probably are the smartest person in the room.

Another common question faux pas is asking a question designed to lead people to the answer you want them to give. Whether the person being asked this kind of question is an employee, spouse, or someone in between, more often than not, they will easily see through the intent. The resulting answer may be what you want to hear, but it will most likely come with some amount of resentment, at best.

Behavior #2: Dominating the Conversation

When leaders speak quickly and constantly and don’t give others an opportunity to speak, they create an environment where others are likely to check out of the conversation. If you’re not listening… and they’re not listening… you see the problem, here, right?

There are plenty of ways to fall into this behavior category – interrupting, talking over others, rushing others to their points or finishing their thoughts, or keeping the conversation completely one-sided by not allowing others a chance to contribute. Remember, conversations and lectures are two different things. Communication is a two-sided process: receiving and relaying information. Both pieces are essential for communication to work effectively.

Both of these behaviors eliminate the opportunity for listening. Sure, some listening takes place, but typically, when we’re caught in the trap of false beliefs and bad behaviors, we tend to listen to respond rather than listen to understand. This is key. When we listen only to respond, we learn nothing. Assumptions are made and critical information is lost. Meanwhile, resentment builds – likely on multiple sides.

Can you relate to any of these beliefs or behaviors? It’s okay if you do. Remember, these are common challenges; you’re far from alone. Actually, if you’ve recognized yourself in any of this, you should feel pretty good about it. Self-awareness is the first and most essential step toward growth! 

In Part III of this series, I will outline specific exercises you can employ to begin transforming your false beliefs and bad behaviors into effective listening skills.