The Other Side of Potential Podcast Episode 36: The Language of Leadership with Krister Ungerboeck

Krister Ungerboeck works with high-potential leaders to help them learn the practical language of leadership because he knows, from his own experience as a CEO, that language has the power to transform their lives. This podcast originally appeared on the Other Side of Potential Podcast Episode 36 with Sharon Spano. To listen to the full interview, visit the Other Side of Potential.

As the award-winning CEO of a 3,000% growth tech company, Krister created The Language of Leadership to help leaders master the high-stakes conversations that can either make or break their careers.

During his time leading Ungerboeck Software, Krister did business in 40 countries, built businesses in six, and lived in three. He also learned to speak French and German as an adult, which gives him a unique perspective on communication.

On stage, Krister is a keynote speaker, but when he works one-on-one with CEOs and their highest potential executives, he’s more like a speech writer. His upcoming book, The Language of Leadership: Words to Transform How We Lead, Live, and Love, provides a practical, fill-in-the-blanks approach to learning a powerful new language of leadership, one that is is guaranteed to help leaders speak in a more impactful, emotionally intelligent way. This level of expertise will help them maximize employee engagement, productivity, and employee retention.

What you’ll learn about in this episode:

• How Krister joined the business world through his family’s small business and what lessons he learned during his time there

• How Krister learned the “language of emotional intelligence” and springboarded into a new career path

• Why changing your language style is an effective way of changing yourself from the outside in

• How the “language of management” and the “language of leadership” differ, and why the difference matters

• Why one of the most difficult parts of being a CEO is the business outgrowing leaders

• How to use “empathy guesses” and a fill-in-the-blanks approach to emotional intelligence

• Why Krister’s self-awareness of language has been transformative in all of his relationships

• How the feeling of being trapped in an executive role can lead to extreme stress and even PTSD

• Why Krister works to help business leaders grow their leadership, and how the skills he teaches can help in all aspects of your life

• How your company culture can help encourage happy people to stay and unhappy people to leave

How to contact Krister Ungerboeck:

• Website: www.krister.com

• Website: www.krister.com/otherside/

Krister Ungerboeck joins LeaderTHRIVE with Dr. Jason Brooks Podcast Episode 66

Emotional intelligence is key in leadership. And today's guest brings powerful experiences and principles to help us all lead well by connecting authentically. This podcast originally appeared on LeaderTHRIVE with Dr. Jason Brooks Podcast Episode 66. To listen to the full interview, visit LeaderTHRIVE with Dr. Jason Brooks.

Krister Ungerboeck, The Leadership Archaeologist, joins LeaderTHRIVE podcast with Dr. Jason Brooks to share about the Language of Leadership and the power that comes when living this every day.

Krister Ungerboeck shares with high-potential leaders a practical Language of Leadership to transform leaders’ lives, and the lives of those who follow them. The Language of Leadership was created while he learned business French and German as the leader of one of largest family  owned software companies in the world.

On stage, Krister is a keynote speaker, but when he works one on-one with CEOs and their highest potential executives, he’s more like a speech writer. Krister helps great leaders craft the words they use in high-stakes conversations, the million-dollar conversations that can make their year or their career, as well as the countless ten-thousand-dollar conversations those leaders have every day.

His upcoming book, The Language of Leadership: Words to Transform How We Lead, Live and Love, provides leaders a practical, fill-in-the-blanks approach to learning a powerful new language of leadership that helps leaders speak in a more impactful, emotionally intelligent way and maximize employee engagement, productivity and employee retention.

Connect with Krister at

​www.Krister.com

​www.Krister.com/leaderthrive

Culture Eats Strategy Podcast Episode 019

THE LEADERSHIP ARCHAEOLOGIST Being in a position of leadership can often make you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, but it’s always possible to dig deeper. This podcast originally appeared on the Raise Your Game Podcast with Christine Wong. To listen to the full interview, visit Raise Your Game.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Culture Eats Strategy Podcast Episode 019: The Language of Leadership Leading the Way Through Language

Language transforms. It has the power to change the way organizations think and act. Today, award-winning CEO Krister Ungerböck discusses the language of leadership and how to wield it beginning with the 10-day talking diet. This podcast originally appeared on Culture Eats Strategy Podcast Episode 019 with Jaime Jay. To listen to the full interview, visit Culture Eats Strategy.

“By changing our words, we can change our thoughts. And if we change our thoughts, then we can change our hearts from the outside in.” – Krister Ungerböck

Leading the Way Through Language

Krister has worked with CEOs and executives in over 40 countries. He is a corporate keynote speaker, coach, and global expert in the language for leaders.

He loves sharing the secrets of how his team succeeded. To wit, they have achieved 99.3% of employee engagement. His upcoming book The Language of Leadership: Words to Transform How We Lead, Live and Love is coming this spring.

Breaking the Barrier

Krister once led a large family-owned software company. During his term as CEO, he conducted a three-day workshop in France educating people how to use their product. There was one challenge — language.

“My heart was at the right place but my words were not.” – Krister Ungerbock on the language barrier

His French was terrible. Their second customer, the host of the Cannes Film Festival, said they couldn’t work with him because of it. So, he immediately went to train with a business French teacher.

A Language That Transforms 

How do you learn a new language? According to Krister, it requires thinking through the words first and then saying it. The same applies when learning to communicate as a leader.

“You can’t think your way into a new way of acting, but you can act your way into a new way of thinking.” – Habitat for Humanity Founder

Leaders first become aware of the words they want to use and then translate it. The easiest way to achieving change through words is by speaking differently. This realization gave birth to the language of leadership.

Download and listen to The Language of Leadership to learn more. Remember to let Krister know you heard about him on Culture Eats Strategy with Jaime Jay!

Which Employees Should You Invest in? 3 Strategies on How to Make That Choice.

With unemployment low, you need to enrich and empower your company's existing leaders so they'll stick around. Here's how. To read the full article, visit Entrepreneur.

Unemployment is at its lowest point since 1969, thanks to the job gains we’ve seen during the past eight years, as described in this article in the New York Times. Now, however, it’s up to companies to compete over the best talent. Employees can be more selective than ever, resulting in a race to provide the best perks. But instead of pushing more and more money into benefits, perhaps it's time that businesses consider a different strategy: investing in leaders.

Companies will invest in a $250,000 machine and set aside thousands of dollars each year to ensure it can be updated and serviced. But when it comes to management, we expect our executives to be fully equipped with anything they need. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen.

Leadership training, on the other hand, has been shown to improve leaders’ confidence, abilities and emotional intelligence. Investing in your leadership team’s development will also help you reduce turnover, enrich your company culture and create a better foundation for your business. Plus, investing at the top will allow skills to cascade down the organization to other employees.

And if those benefits aren’t enough, a Gallup report found that the way leaders manage workers has a significant effect on employee engagement levels, which affect organizations’ bottom lines. Better to increase engagement and revenue through better leadership, right?

Whose development should you invest in, anyway?

I ran an international company with 250 employees, and, looking back, my biggest regret is that we didn’t invest more in our leaders. We eventually had to hire new ones outside the company because we outgrew our team and didn’t train those who were already working for us.

Hiring external leaders can cost a pretty penny, though. Between recruiter fees, compensation for a brand new employee and the potential to lose key people who haven't been promoted, hundreds of thousands of dollars can fly out the door. That's what happened at my company: At one point, we had to hire three people to replace one IT specialist because his knowledge of our company had been so vast -- and those three still didn't cover everything he could. It would have been a lot cheaper to invest $10,000 or $15,000 to train that IT specialist for a senior leadership position.

The lesson learned? You can’t afford to spend what we spent on three people just because you didn’t know whom to invest in and to promote internally.

So, whom, exactly, should you empower with more opportunities? Here are three strategies for figuring that out:

1. Advance people who are already volunteering.

It’s crucial to manage promotions correctly because companies whose stock returns exceed the market average typically see lower turnover and consistently outperform competitors when it comes to innovation, productivity and growth, according research from Great Place to Work executives published in the Harvard Business Review. But not everyone believes promotions are managed correctly, even at top companies.

To to manage your promotions successfully, start by choosing people who volunteer. 

Rather than trying to identify interested employees yourself, give your company's leaders a chance to volunteer for new projects or promotions. You can't force participation or improvement on employees who aren't dedicated to it.

The lesson learned is that when an employee doesn't volunteer for more educational or professional opportunities, that should tell you how well suited he or she is for a management role.

2. Encourage employees to use some of their own funds.

Ask your employees to cover 20 to 25 percent of their education. Match every dollar they invest for this purpose with $3 to $4 more. In other words, let them know that you’ll happily give them a promotion and a higher salary if they’re personally willing to cover some of their educational opportunities. 

People invest their own money into getting MBAs all the time because they know they’ll have more opportunities as a result. The Harvard Business Review recently reported that one-third of the most successful CEOs in the world have MBAs.

The lesson here is that the time and financial commitment for an MBA is much higher than the investment for continuous education when that education is being matched by company funds.

3. Invest in people who invest in themselves outside of work.

Seek employees who are already leading on their own or taking advantage of education opportunities when they aren’t in the office. To do this, set the expectation that you can't invest in everyone. Inform your team that you can provide opportunities for only the top 10 or 20 percent of team members who have differentiated themselves. 

For example, Satya Nadella’s first few years at Microsoft were spent commuting from Redmond, Wash., to the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business to finish his MBA. Nadella set himself apart from his co-workers by making it a point to learn as much as he could, which eventually led him to his current role as Microsoft CEO.

The lesson here is that not everyone can commute 2,000 miles to get an education, of course, but you should pay close attention to those employees who do go the extra mile to learn something beneficial for their jobs.

Still unsure about the benefits of investing in your leaders? Machinery company Barry-Wehmiller launched an internal leadership training program, Barry-Wehmiller University, to help find the leaders within its own company. The program wound up being so successful that the company launched the Barry-Wehmiller Leadership Institute for other companies to use.

While you might not have the resources to do the same, it’s important to find time to develop your own employees into the leaders you know they can be. If you don’t, you might miss out on higher productivity, a great company culture and -- most importantly -- some wonderful people.

The Business Power Hour Podcast: Real Life Stories & Techniques to Power-Up Your Business

Krister Ungerböck is a keynote speaker, CEO Coach, and global expert in "The Language of Leadership. This podcast originally appeared on The Business Power Hour Podcast with Deb Krier. To listen to the full interview, visit The Business Power Hour.

Prior to retiring at age 42, Krister was the award-winning CEO of one of the largest family-owned software companies in the world. His expertise in the Language of Leadership is based upon his unique experience as a global CEO leading teams in three languages while observing and doing business with executives in over 40 countries, building businesses in six and living in three. As a corporate keynote speaker, Krister is passionate about sharing the employee engagement secrets that he and his Executive team used to win 5 consecutive Top Workplace awards and achieve remarkable employee engagement levels of 99.3%. His upcoming book, The Language of Leadership: Words to Transform How We Live, Live and Lead, will be published in the Spring of 2019. The book provides leaders a practical, fill-in-the-blanks approach to learning a powerful new language of leadership.

5 Entrepreneurs Share How They've Handled Client Disasters

Client disasters don’t have to be catastrophic. To read the full article, visit Forbes.

When customers go from being satisfied buyers to brand haters, companies should take the opportunity to learn what inspired the change and prevent it from happening in the future — or even turn it around in the moment.

Sometimes, though, clients are bound to stay unhappy. If the company stops offering an unprofitable service that a small group of clients needs, the former buyers will be upset no matter what. Rather than bumble through changes hoping for the best, businesses facing client-related mishaps must learn to anticipate potential strife and recognize when compromise is (or isn’t) possible.

Keeping Client Disasters to a Minimum

It’s imperative to anticipate certain customer issues and train your staff to handle those issues. The more you prepare your team for what it might encounter, the better it will do when faced with a customer service issue. During my time working in the consumer products and retail business, I’ve also learned that, as an owner and manager, I can defuse most customer service situations.

If you elevate a problem to a senior person, people tend to feel more confident that you are taking them seriously and care about their problem. In addition, even if the situation calls for you stepping in, it’s crucial to empower your team to handle customer complaints and to support them in their decisions.

Keeping customers happy isn’t just nice for the company’s reputation — it has a direct effect on the bottom line. Companies that provide great experiences enjoy higher rates of retention, customer satisfaction, and opportunities to upsell. Where price used to be the biggest differentiator between companies, the customer experience has taken the throne. More than four out of five buyers are willing to pay more for exceptional experiences.

No matter how much companies prepare, however, a few client disasters will always slip through the cracks. Someone’s unreasonable expectation will go unfulfilled, an employee will make an unforgivable blunder, or the forces of the universe will simply decide that the relationship needs some strife. When that happens, companies need to know how to handle the situation without losing face — and without letting one customer’s bad day lead to widespread displeasure.

After all, as much as companies love good clients, unhappy customers can do far more damage than happy clients can do good. One study by Dimensional Research found that 95 percent of people who experience bad customer service tell someone else about it, with 54 percent expressing their displeasure to at least five others — compared to just 33 percent who share a good experience.

Faced with these stats, I asked five entrepreneurs and business leaders to share with me what they’ve done in the face of client disasters:

1. Matt Clervi, CEO of Fresh Ideas Management

Growth is great, but it can make longtime customers feel like afterthoughts when personal service becomes less attentive. Matt Clervi knows this all too well. “We were growing fast, and one of our first clients said that our growth had robbed them of our attention,” he said. “They weren’t feeling the love anymore. They threatened to take their business elsewhere.”

Clervi believes that deep listening and hard questions are the key to salvaging damaged relationships. After that client complained, he challenged everyone within his company to slow down. They took time to listen to the challenges of their client and put timelines around a solution. Clervi said it taught his team members to be grateful for growth, but not to allow the rate of growth to lessen the experience they’re able to provide clients.

“When you appreciate the people who helped you grow and consistently listen to them, you put yourself in a position to consistently succeed,” he explained. He added that his company reviewed its culture and hiring practices and implemented techniques to better identify when a candidate is self-aware and able to slow down and ask hard questions.

2. Erik Huberman, CEO of Hawke Media

When small blunders carry massive costs, deciding who foots the bill can be a treacherous prospect. Erik Huberman shared a time when his company had a glitch occur with a client’s email system, which meant a discount email offer intended for a small subset of his client’s customers was sent to a much wider audience. When he recommended that the company retract the discount, the client declined — then decided not to pay its several outstanding bills for Huberman’s company’s services.

“They had asked me to just keep working and the bills would get handled,” he said. “They basically lied and took advantage.” After hearing that they would not be paying, Huberman said he told the company that he could get a lawyer to collect his money. The client’s founder began texting him slurs and threatening to drag his name through the mud.

That’s when Huberman said he made another mistake: “I jabbed back, threatened, sank to the same level. Then I said, ‘Good luck with marketing,’ and not to call me again. Then the other partner in the company called me apologizing and begging us to keep working together.” Huberman said his company ended up making some money back, but it was the beginning of the end for that client relationship. If Huberman could do it again, he said he wouldn’t let emotions guide the way he handled the situation. Customers can afford to get heated, but business leaders cannot.

3. Caroline Santiago, Founder and CEO of Utopia Life Consulting Inc.

Clients will be hesitant to work with a person whom someone else has selected, a phenomenon Caroline Santiago experienced firsthand. When the chief operating officer at one client company hired Santiago to work with the chief technology officer, the CTO felt saddled with an unasked-for partner and wanted nothing to do with her. Santiago arranged a daily 9 a.m. check-in meeting with the CTO, whom she described as an independent thinker and leader, but when she showed up on the first day to meet him, he didn’t show. He then ignored her attempts to meet with him the next several days.

Eager to get started on work the firm was paying her to do, Santiago met with the CTO’s technology department leadership team over the course of three days. After those three days of meetings, the CTO showed up to the scheduled daily check-in meeting with Santiago, but his reaction wasn’t what she was expecting. “The CTO proceeded to yell and scream at me, stating he didn’t want me here and asking what authority I had to schedule meetings and work with his leadership team,” she recalled.

“I told him he should interview me right now for this position, and if he did not think I was a good candidate for the role, I would not show up to work tomorrow.” The CTO’s shock at her proposal showed in his face. That on-the-spot interview went well, and Santiago received the buy-in she needed from the CTO to keep the relationship going. Santiago said that, through this experience, she learned to make sure she is able to speak with all key client stakeholders before signing a client agreement. Clients don’t always want the world. Usually, they just want to feel like they have a choice in the matter.

4. Josh Hudgins, Managing Partner and Director of US Sales at Global Ecom Partners

Every company makes mistakes. But the best ones take responsibility for them, especially when those mishaps occur early in the client relationship. Josh Hudgins learned this lesson when his company onboarded a new client but failed to walk that client through the onboarding process. That omission led to a lag in shipping time to the end customer, which was soon caught and corrected. Unfortunately, Hudgins’ company also failed to realize it had overlooked the part of the onboarding process in which the client’s in-house marketing is moved to its platform. That oversight resulted in zero marketing for all of the client’s products for a month.

“The most significant dilemma was maintaining our client’s confidence in our ability to execute what we had promised and not leave us after such a short honeymoon period,” he said. “Luckily, we had set the expectation that there would be bumps in the transition process but let them know we were committed to resolving any issues quickly.”

Hudgins reminds anyone in his situation that deals are not over at closing. They are a series of commitments, each of which requires appropriate fulfillment — a lesson he learned through this client mishap. The poor onboarding experience and transition led his company to create a new onboarding checklist. “This checklist allows complete transparency and accountability to everyone involved in the new client process, which has resulted in a better client experience,” he said.

5. Krister Ungerboeck, Strategic Planning and Leadership Consulting Expert

Krister Ungerboeck relies on what he calls “the language of license,” meaning that clients need to know when they’re getting in the way of a successful partnership. With this in mind, when one of his clients kept pushing their agreement to the bottom of the list and making his team run behind schedule on a project, Ungerboeck took action.

He and the client’s CEO engineered an agreement to give each other’s teams permission to raise red flags. That way, if a project is running behind schedule, each team feels comfortable enforcing the schedule. Ungerboeck said: “This discussion gave our teams authority to hold one another accountable. I call this move ‘the permission play,’ and it’s imperative to my leadership playbook.”

Businesses should not wait for clients to reach the brink of disaster before getting firm. Clients would much rather have a tough conversation early than missed revenue later. Ungerboeck added: “Be sure to give your team permission as a group rather than individually. Communicating this to the group will have a more powerful impact.”

Not every client relationship can be salvaged, but every business needs to know how to handle things when something goes wrong. By remaining flexible and keeping the lines of communication open, businesses can minimize client disasters and ensure every customer experience is as great as it can be.

People Who Love Their Jobs Work for This Kind of Boss

Want to be a leader who's revered, not reviled? Do three of the most important things that empathetic bosses do every day. To read the full article, visit Inc.

Money alone doesn't make talented, motivated, career-minded people get out of bed. What does is a sense of purpose, a feeling they're making a direct impact. Regrettably, many leaders still haven't gotten this memo.

As a consequence, is it any wonder that we envision Michael Scott of NBC's The Office when we picture the quintessential bad boss? Troublesome, emotionally confusing managers abound, often prompting high employee turnover, low office morale, and constant client churn with their management style. Unless you're interested in becoming a memorable boss for all the wrong reasons, you'll want to learn how to make your employees feel valued, not undermined.

Go from being a downer to a defender

Far too many leaders remain stuck on the notion that they have to manage by force. In some cases, this comes from the belief that barking orders will cause their people to "get $#!+ done." However, heavy-handed approaches to managing talented teams will quickly devolve into disengagement.

To be sure, switching gears from gruff, demanding manager to supportive mentor and coach isn't simple. Nor does it happen happen overnight. It takes a willingness to learn the power of empathy, something that's lacking in 60 percent of leaders.

I discovered how effective it can be to praise and recognize others publicly as well as empathize proactively. I took steps to increase my emotional quotient when I learned about the chasm between the way employees view empathetic and non-empathetic bosses. Workers tend to love their jobs when their managers show empathy; conversely, they merely clock in when leaders have a dictatorial management style.

If you aren't bettering yourself in the areas of humility and team empowerment, I recommend you try doing what the best bosses do.

1. Look for opportunities to build trust each day.

Trust between a boss and an employee doesn't occur after one positive encounter. It unfolds over time as the worker comes to realize that the leader isn't going to throw sudden curveballs or fly into a rage. Look for ways to show your employees you believe in their judgment. After all, that's why you hired them.

Put the brakes on micromanagement. Give workers the freedom to make choices, then allow them to proceed unfettered. Will they always succeed? No. When they make mistakes, show empathy rather than immediately withdrawing your trust. Come from a position of understanding and walk them through their decisions. Treat them not as failures but rather as talented individuals who misjudged a situation, an outcomes, the data, etc. The next time you give them a task, encourage them to use their past experiences as a guide to map out better solutions.

2. Silence your inner know-it-all.

As a manager who has tripped on his gift of gab more than once, I couldn't be more aligned with the advice from leadership consultant Krister Ungerboeck. "How many times do we march into a conference room with a list of things to say?" he asks. "Yet it's far more prudent, productive, and profitable to shift from having all the answers to asking all the questions."

I've been guilty of this, and I bet you have, too. Speaking over everyone and having all the answers just leads to disengagement among team members, as Ungerboeck points out. In time, employees with exciting ideas may start to doubt themselves, assuming that only you can run the show. Instead of losing fantastic, innovative ideas from your team, take a backseat role more often than not in group settings. Oh, and banish "We tried that before, and it didn't work" from your phrasebook.

3. Walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper attached to your shoe.

OK, so you don't literally have to do this, but do be humble. Show employees you are a real human and not some kind of would-be superhero. Rather than puff out your chest at how amenable a tough client became thanks to your risky strategy, reveal how you wondered whether your gamble would pay off. Talk about your actions not in terms of self-satisfaction but self-awareness.

When you express humility, you change the way employees see you. A research project published in Organization Science showed links between retention and humble bosses due to the resulting job satisfaction and employee engagement. How does this translate into everyday life on the job? Two words: Be real.

You don't have to be a flawless boss to master leadership traits that will keep your employees eager to tackle projects on behalf of your brand. In fact, it's better if you're not! You just have to make changes to your approach to others, starting with the empathy you feel and show.

PUBLISHED ON: DEC 20, 2018

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

Manager Mojo Podcast: Your Words Can Create a Highly Engaged Team

Your Words Can Create a Highly Engaged Team. The words you choose are having a significant impact on the people you lead. This podcast originally appeared on the Manager Mojo podcast with Steve Caldwell. To listen to the full interview, visit Manager Mojo.

Are you choosing words that will inspire others to follow you? Struggling leaders should examine their words, assess where they come from and how they may be putting a damper on the people who follow them. Just like everyone else, leaders default to the words of those who influenced them from a young age. The words we speak to others are often an echo of the words we are speaking to ourselves, and those words were initiated by our original leaders. When we grow up hearing negative words, we often speak negative words ourselves. Examine your words, determine where they come from and how you can select words that will inspire those around you. Become the leader whose words transform others to want to follow you.

 Learn more about Krister Ungerboeck and his newest book, The Language of Leadership: Words to Transform How you Lead, Live and Love, to be out in Spring 2019, by clicking here.

Leadership Happy Hour Podcast Episode 98: Digging Deeper With The Leadership Archaeologist, Krister Ungerboeck

Growing up, I loved the Indiana Jones movies. Yes, they were packed with action and a great story line but what really intrigued me was that Mr. Jones was an archaeologist. This podcast originally appeared on the Leadership Happy Hour Podcast Episode 98 with Chip Lutz. To listen to the full interview, listen at Leadership Happy Hour.

He did it all in the name of science...well, ok, maybe that is a stretch (but I still loved the movies). My guest this week is the world's only Leadership Archaeologist, Krister Ungerboeck.  He's originally a mid-western boy (like me) but has been all over the world and, in this episode, he shares the insights he's found through his travels (and experience) on leadership.

I know you'll like this episode.  Krister is very smart, very insightful and he gave me tons to think about (and I know he will you too).  ENJOY!

More on Krister...

Krister Ungerboeck is the world’s first Leadership Archaeologist™.  He travels the world to unearth the most powerful – and often surprising – models, ideas, and secrets of leadership.

Previously, Krister was the award-winning CEO of a 3,000% growth tech company. During his time leading Ungerboeck Software, he did business in 40 countries, built businesses in six, and lived in three. He also learned to speak French and German as an adult, which gives him a unique perspective on communication. Then, over the past few years, he became a prominent CEO coach and highly desired keynote speaker… but a very different kind than one might expect. In a sea of speakers spouting clichéd success secrets, Krister stands out as a successful CEO who bravely shares breathtakingly real stories of his own setbacks, combined with concrete, immediately actionable steps for audiences to sidestep the mistakes he’s made.

For the past decade, Krister has been on a “seeking secrets” journey, mining the minds of some of the greatest thinkers around the world and across disciplines, digging in dark places where others don’t… all to unearth unseen insights into the question of why growth companies tend to outgrow their leaders so quickly.

In addition to exploring the globe for new leadership insights and ideas, Krister is a top-rated leadership keynote speaker, CEO coach and consultant, and author of the highly acclaimed book, SEEKING CEO SECRETS: The Leadership Archaeologist's 12 Tools to Unearth Unseen Potential.

How to Help Your Team More by Talking Less

I wanted a way to become more positive in my communications to help staff feel more empowered and committed, so I confronted my assumptions through a diet of sorts. To read the full article visit Startups.

As leaders, many of us regularly fall into a revolving-door trap when it comes to telling versus asking. And it’s most evident in meetings.

How many times do we march into a conference room with a list of things to say? Yet it’s far more prudent, productive, and profitable to shift from having all the answers to asking all the questions.

In fact, it’s so important that it might just be the core differentiator between a company’s culture and that of its competitors.

Stuck in an Always-Telling Rut

Why do we so quickly fall into the routine of telling instead of asking? Honestly, the reaction has roots in science.

Put simply, having all the ideas is a rush. Providing a quick solution that gets a group from point A to point B rapidly leads to feelings of importance. The body releases the feel-good chemical dopamine during creative spurts, which explains why some of us can’t let go of having all the answers. To be sure, we’re offering short-term value by being the go-to people in our companies. But long-term success won’t follow as those organizations scale.

My own epiphany surrounding talking versus listening happened when I recognized I needed to meet my employees where they were. As long as they were past the initial learning phases and into the “doing” stages, they needed less direction. Truly, those who already had solutions would have become disengaged after being micromanaged. Instead of risking the loss of their confidence, I wanted to empower them while maintaining an “I’m here if you need advice” status.

Out of my searching for the right way to move forward, the 10-Day Talking Diet was born.

A New Perspective on Mental Fuel

The day after Thanksgiving in 2017, I started a five-day fast as an experiment. Consuming only water, tea, and coffee, I embarked upon a silent retreat. I quickly realized that all my assumptions about food and communication were wrong.

After the experience, I wondered what else I was mistaken about. Was I in error about what it meant to be an ethical leader who concentrated on helping workers find satisfaction and meaning in their jobs? Was there a way for me to become more positive in my communications to help staff feel more empowered and committed?

I figured the only way to know was to test some hypotheses — and my discoveries became a 10-day test. If you’re prepared to confront your own assumptions, take the first steps toward a 10-Day Talking Diet. Here’s a taste of the first three days:

1. On day one, play Meeting Monopoly.

Seventy-one percent of senior managers in one Harvard Business Review-reported survey thought most meetings weren’t worthwhile. Could the problem be a lack of balance in participants’ verbal contributions? Use this experiment to find out.

Choose a day with a meeting lasting no less than 30 minutes. How much of the conversation do you expect to monopolize? Jot down a percentage. Then record the meeting and send the file to a transcription service. When it comes back, use Word or Google Docs to calculate the proportion of how many words you said versus the total spoken by all attendees.

Here comes the really fun part: Compare your prediction to reality. Did you speak roughly as much as everyone else? Or did you dominate the conversation? Write down your results, as well as goals to change your percentage in future meetings.

2. On day two, take on the Magic Management 8-Ball Challenge.

As a kid, you might have picked up one of those Magic 8-Ball toys. When you asked it a question, you got one of several answers like “the future is hazy” or “most likely.” While not exactly specific, they made contemplating problems fun. Use this same concept to make a meeting more enjoyable and streamlined.

For instance, say you have a meeting with several key people. Don’t make an agenda outlining what you’ll say. Write down all the questions you need to ask. It’ll take up a fraction of everyone’s time and get you closer to solutions.

What questions might you choose? How about, “What would the ideal outcome be?” “What’s standing in the way?” or “What support will you need to be successful?” Oh, and try “Tell me more …” to dig deeper. Here’s the kicker, though: Say nothing else. Just ask questions.

After your meeting, ask for feedback. Did participants feel the exchange worked? Were they excited? Would they like to see this change applied to all meetings? You might be shocked at how motivated attendees can be by this new way of talking about problems and opportunities.

3. On day three, give “should” the heave-ho.

If you’re like me, you’ll benefit from a “should” fast. What’s wrong with the word? It introduces a sense of guilt in the other person when you tell them they “should” do or have done something. Their defenses perk up, shutting down receptiveness to new thoughts.

Try replacing “should” in all your conversations by either dropping it from a sentence completely or changing to “I suggest,” “could,” or “would.”

Because this is an ongoing experiment, be sure to write down the results. Note how people react to your different verbiage choices. Then, make a pact with yourself to kick “should” to the curb.

After you get through three days of the 10-Day Talking Diet, you’ll have a wealth of leadership knowledge. If you’re motivated to keep going, do. You’ll be astonished at the changes you could make in fewer than two weeks.

About the Author

Krister Ungerboeck

Krister Ungerboeck is a leadership keynote speaker and CEO coach who helps leaders unearth unseen potential in their organizations, their teams, and themselves. Before becoming the world’s first leadership archaeologist, Krister was the award-winning CEO of a global tech company. He has done business in more than 40 countries, built businesses in five, and has lived in three.

Aerospace Executive Podcast: Leadership, Attracting Experts, and High Employee Engagement with Krister Ungerboeck

Good leaders teach others how to become leaders themselves.This podcast originally appeared on Aerospace Executive Podcast with Craig Picken. To listen to the full interview, visit Aerospace Executive Podcast.

As we grow our team, why is it important to stop giving answers and start helping others find solutions on their own? How can we attract experts to our company? Why should we strive to become better communicators?

In this episode, Krister Ungerboeck talks about the most common leadership mistakes and what we can do to lead others to success. "Managers can be managed, but executives can only be led." -Krister Ungerboeck

Takeaways + Tactics:

- There’s a big difference between how leaders of small teams and leaders of large teams should lead. When it comes to smaller teams, leaders usually come up with all the answers to questions employees have.
- In a bigger team setting, the leader should be skilled at teaching others to ask themselves the right questions and then help them come with solutions on their own.
- The biggest enemy of entrepreneurs is ego. Many leaders find it hard to let other people come with their own solutions. We must accept that there are people who are more proficient than we are in certain areas. At the beginning of the episode, we talked about how small teams are managed differently than big teams. Next, we talked about why it’s important to accept the fact that there are people who are better than us and more qualified to hold certain positions in our company.

We also covered:

- Why a big monetary compensation isn’t enough and what else we can offer to high achievers
- Why being a lone wolf in the world of entrepreneurship can cost you a lot of learning opportunities
- How we can learn to communicate better with our team and the role empathy plays in doing so

We can’t become better leaders and grow our business if we don’t learn to communicate more effectively. A crucial element in emotional intelligence is having empathy— the ability to put ourselves in somebody else's shoes even when we have nothing in common. Setting aside time for empathy exercises is crucial for leaders like us, as we have to connect, communicate and lead people on a daily basis.

Guest Bio:

Krister Ungerboeck, The Leadership Archeologist, is a global leadership expert, award-winning CEO, coach, speaker and author. As the world’s first Leadership Archaeologist, Krister is a seeker of secrets. He’s a perspective-changing explorer who ventures beyond the edge of the comfort zone of most leaders and brings back tales of what he’s learned. He experiments with unique, sometimes outlandish approaches to building leadership skills in order to save leaders the time, money, and (possibly) embarrassment of experimenting on themselves.

Go to https://krister.com/aerospace for a free Leadership Assessment and much more!

Business Creators Radio Show: Why Companies Outgrow Leaders, With Krister Ungerboeck

In these times of unprecedented change, the leadership needs of companies evolve just as the needs and wants of consumers do. This podcast originally appeared on the Business Creators Radio Show with Adam Hommey. To listen to the full interview, visit the Business Creators Radio Show.

The ideal leader for one leg of the journey may be ill equipped to tackle the next chapter. In hyper-growth organizations, how do we ensure our companies don’t outgrow our leaders?

In this revealing and moving episode, Krister Ungerboeck, the world’s first Leadership Archeologist, joins Adam to reveal the risks organizations face when running yesterday’s playbook for today’s challenges. Through extensive research and real-world CEO experience, Krister shares the best approach to elevate leaders with potential, and level up when previously successful leaders can no longer win at the highest levels.

Discover:

• Why companies outgrow leaders (and what to do about it);

• How logical leaders can learn emotional intelligence;

• If forgiveness belongs in business;

• What makes a perfect leadership team;

• And much more!

If you want to take your business from vulnerability to profitability and ensure the strength of your leadership, don’t miss this episode.

How to Incorporate Forgiveness in Business

In the HR field, communications training remains a hot topic. To read the full article, visit HR Daily Advisor.

Best sellers such as Difficult Conversations and Crucial Conversations enjoy Kindle bookmarks and repeated readings. But a closer look reveals that communication training is simply a bandage covering a deeper issue that could be solved by one thing: forgiveness.

We seem quite comfortable acknowledging that our business interactions might lead us to butt heads, but if we give people a step-by-step process for forgiveness, there will likely be less conflict that requires a “crucial conversation” to smooth over.

Let me be clear: When I say “forgiveness,” I’m not talking about becoming a perennial victim. As psychologist Bob Enright has noted, forgiveness happens internally. It’s not necessary to remain friends or allies with someone who has wronged you; justice and reconciliation are separate experiences from forgiveness.

Instead, I’m talking about becoming more fulfilled, healthy, and effective. When emotional intelligence and attitudes of forgiveness become a way of life among the leaders of a company, its employees experience a noticeable uptick in job satisfaction, per a South African study. And that’s smart business.

Reducing the Forgiveness Taboo

It’s funny: We don’t hear a lot about forgiveness. Business schools don’t teach it in a course. Onboarding manuals skip it. Perhaps it’s the potential religious overtones that make forgiveness a taboo subject in the working world. However, executives needn’t shun it because forgiveness has secular components.

For example, in Colin Tipping’s book Radical Forgiveness, he sets up a framework for practicing forgiveness regardless of faith. He breaks down forgiveness as a fundamental skill that’s important in everyday life, whether between business colleagues or family members. His step-by-step process for forgiving—even in the absence of apologies—has the power to train leaders on how to stop blaming others. In fact, he reveals that what most angers us might be traits we mirror.

Case in point: I could say that I’m angry because someone is being arrogant. But if I’m honestly self-aware and willing to take a step back, I might discover that I’ve reciprocated that arrogance. Basically, what’s irritating me is my own behavior just as much as the other person’s behavior. This helps me come to a place of understanding from which forgiveness can grow. From that point, I can move on rather than unproductively stew in my own (toxic) anger.

It’s not difficult to see how such a sudden thought shift can have far-reaching implications. As one Luther College-based study discovered, those who lead a more forgiving lifestyle are less likely to exhibit high stress and worse mental health. Along the same lines, a Johns Hopkins Hospital director interviewed for a piece on healthy aging linked forgiveness to improved overall health.

Of course, my words of praise for forgiveness aren’t just science-based. They’re coming from my history of working for a demanding, difficult CEO for nearly 15 years. My anger toward this man spilled over into my relationships with my direct reports and even my family members. Ultimately, it persisted even after the CEO retired and I took over the CEO role myself. Our contentious connection had affected me so deeply that I had trouble staying calm even after he was no longer leading me.

However, after years of working together, I was with him as he experienced a moment of vulnerability. Witnessing that moment was a shock; all that anger and resentment I held toward him began to soften. The bulk of my pent-up frustrations melted away. I forgave, and the clouds lifted on our relationship.

Facilitating an Environment of Forgiveness

You can’t expect your team to establish a culture of forgiveness overnight. Still, you can take those first steps toward making forgiveness acceptable and desirable within the walls of your business. Use these tips to get started:

1. Reflect on Your Own Forgiveness Level

Think of two or three people toward whom you harbor anger. Why are you irritated? What makes you mad when you think about those folks? Dig deep to acknowledge and recognize your unproductive feelings. Name them without shame. Though it might not be a pleasant experience, it’s essential to understand how holding onto grudges detracts people from achievements and success.

1. Pick up a Copy of Radical Forgiveness

Either grab a paper copy of Colin Tipping’s book or download it onto your mobile device. Not only will you understand the concept of secular forgiveness on a larger scale, but you’ll also see how forgiveness can be utilized to cultivate a healthier organization. At that point, you’ll be prepared to bring forgiveness to the rest of your team members, especially those in leadership positions or who are about to come into the fold.

1. Complete a Forgiveness Inventory

Let me be extremely clear: I don’t get any commissions on Radical Forgiveness, so my advice is completely untethered to profits. With that having been said, I believe that the worksheet and other tools available online offer a fantastic way to explore forgiveness. You’ll want to adapt the worksheet for your corporate purpose and make tweaks after the initial beta test. In time, a forgiveness inventory might become part of your HR training for higher-ups.

Is it realistic to assume that everyone on your payroll will instantly jump into a state of utter forgiveness after taking these steps? To be sure, that’s one of those “forgiveness fantasies.” Like any other switch in attitude, forgiveness takes time to develop and implement. That’s OK. As forgiveness becomes a key element in your executive training, it will seep into the cracks of your corporate environment. Eventually, all those positive leanings will foster stronger, emotionally healthier decisions across your company.

Krister Ungerboeck is a leadership keynote speaker and CEO coach who helps leaders unearth unseen potential in their organizations, their teams, and themselves. Before becoming the world’s first leadership archaeologist, Ungerboeck was the award-winning CEO of a global tech company. He has done business in more than 40 countries, built businesses in 5, and lived in 3.

Do You Struggle With EI? Three Hacks Will Help You Boost Your EQ

Emotional intelligence has been in the leadership spotlight for decades, but that doesn’t mean today’s leaders are any better at identifying, evaluating, controlling, or perceiving emotions in themselves or others. To read the full article, visit CEO World.

Despite a TalentSmart study that linked high emotional intelligence with strong workplace performance (and Google’s statistical findings that depict EI as more important than technical skills), executives continue to lag behind in the empathy department.

What’s behind the C-suite’s struggle to understand colleagues’ feelings, needs, and expectations? As one Harvard Business Review article explained, the higher up in the corporate ranks someone is, the higher his or her tendency toward inflated ego and self-interest. Not surprisingly, this leads to a disconnect between managers and employees, which can directly affect engagement by up to 70 percent, according to Gallup.

While I’ve always had a strong logical understanding of EI, I assumed it simply involved me telling others how I was feeling. I was mistaken. What I’ve come to understand is that EI isn’t based on being transparent with your initial emotions but on diving beneath the surface to find out what’s motivating those emotions. It can be difficult to stop from lashing out automatically, as leadership involves wielding power and making immediate choices. But when emotions are involved, executives must learn to hold back.

The ABCs of building better EI

Wherever you are on the journey toward true emotional intelligence, you can enhance your progress with these three strategies:

1. Recognize anger as an alarm bell.

The next time you find yourself disappointed in your employees, pause and take a moment to assess your emotional state. Which emotions are you actually experiencing? Fear? Frustration? Confusion? You need to flesh out the true cause of your primary reaction. Think of anger like an alarm bell; it isn’t a primary emotion, after all.

It can be hard to admit when you’re terrified that a client will jump ship because a project wasn’t finished on time. Sure, you may be mad, but you’re more worried than anything. It’s more constructive to communicate that worry than to simply lash out without addressing the root cause of your ire.

Anger disconnects people, whereas primary emotions like fear or shame connect people. Most people don’t want their boss to be afraid or embarrassed, but being honest about those feelings make you more human and relatable. Your workers will appreciate your candor.

1. Beef up your emotional vocabulary.

There is research that part of improved emotional intelligence is simply having a deeper vocabulary to describe our emotions. For example, frustration and disappointment are variations of anger. An important element of EI is knowing the nuances.

We all understand basic emotions — happiness, anger, sadness, and so on. What separates those with high EI scores from people who struggle to empathize is the ability to identify secondary and tertiary emotions such as sentimentality, fascination, and skepticism. After all, how can you truly feel an emotion if you don’t have the words to describe it?

Being able to pinpoint precise emotional reactions in yourself helps you clarify your own feelings, but it also enables you to recognize them in others. If you aren’t able to acknowledge situations that make you feel hurt, then you’re more likely to say hurtful things to others and not understand the consequences of those actions.

1. Practice sensing how others feel.

If you aren’t an innately intuitive person, you might have trouble predicting others’ emotions. Therefore, you need to use trial and error to educate yourself in this arena. Need some help? Read “Nonviolent Communication,” a book written 50 years ago by a peace activist who created a communication technique to help defuse race riots. One of Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella’s first orders of business upon taking the helm was to recommend the book to his leaders so they could practice spotting and validating others’ emotions.

The language of nonviolent communication looks like this: “You are feeling _______ because you are needing _______.” By filling in the blanks here, we can experiment with identifying others’ emotions. People are more likely to correct us and tell us the actual emotion they are experiencing when we use this language.

Over time, you’ll get more accustomed to stifling knee-jerk emotions and controlling potentially negative impulses. Taking a moment to understand others lessens the likelihood that you’ll unconsciously say something that could potentially ruin a good relationship forever. Something you say in a split second of frustration can stick with a person for years; it’s not worth the risk.

The fundamental definition of “empathy” is the ability to understand another person’s emotions, and that’s the key to emotional intelligence. Fortunately, you don’t have to be born empathetic to develop the EI skill set. You simply need to recognize your need for improvement, actively pursue emotional knowledge, and pay attention to the reactions of yourself and others. In time, you’ll unravel the mystery of EI success.

Study Shows Men Are Just As Stressed As Women In Achieving Work-Life Balance

The startling results of an American Psychological Association study, indicating males are as conflicted as females, contradicts a commonly held belief that men don’t stress over work-life balance. This article originally appeared on Glassdoor. To read the full article, visit Glassdoor.

However, Krister Ungerboeck, a consultant for business leaders, isn’t taken aback by the fact that, despite public perception, both men and women have nearly identical levels of conflict in work-balance.

Ungerboeck says “men are dealing with the double whammy of feeling guilty for missing their kids’ lives and at the same time ashamed for not seeming cutthroat enough at work.” The former CEO of a struggling software company, which he expanded 3000%, Ungerboeck experienced at first hand the personal costs of stereotypical masculinity. That in-the-trenches experience enabled Ungerboeck to found CEO Growth, a coaching firm exclusively for the C-suite.

Despite common expectations, Ungerboeck says that the lessons he learned in his own career about giving consideration to the family are just as important as any bottom-line wisdom.

“As important as it is to help CEOs and owners push business to the next level,” says the father of two, “it is equally important to help them gain perspective on the value of a personal life.”

Glassdoor: Do you see men struggling with the expectation that they must live up to a stereotype of masculinity which the report indicates is outdated and toxic?

Krister Ungerboeck: Yes. There’s more of an expectation that men who are in the workforce, are going to put their job ahead of their kids, and their family. They’re going to be the ones who work late. But the truth is a lot of us struggle with that. Men often feel they aren’t “supposed” to take a personal day when their kid is sick, so they don’t.

I think there is an element of cultural norms, where maybe it’s expected for a man to be able to stay late. When I was a CEO, I was probably unconsciously more flexible when a woman, even a woman executive, if she needed to do some things… to go do things for the kids. There was an assumption about male and female roles.

I think that that maybe puts a little more pressure on male executives, or men in the workforce, who don’t get that flexibility. Add to that, if I were to look at the number of times that male executives came to me and asked for time off for their kids, it was significantly lower.

Many executives had wives who worked, and I think that’s there’s also some cultural expectation that in a two-income family (even if they are equal earners) that matters of the family would fall more frequently onto the female.

Glassdoor: How do we change the idea of masculinity in the workplace? If these are untruths, how do we knock them down?

Krister Ungerboeck: The change really needs to start from the top-down. Bosses need to make it clear that they prioritize their own children and their own family responsibilities, and let their employees see that it is okay to leave work early sometimes if your child is ill or has a ball game. They also need to encourage employees to use their vacation days and to take regular breaks.

Glassdoor: But a lot of employees feel unsafe to take family time. How do you allay those fears, changing the office culture?

Krister Ungerboeck: It’s the boss whose actions get amplified, right? So, if your employees hear you say, ‘Hey, I’m going to my son’s baseball game. I’m leaving the office at 4:30 today’ they know it’s safe for them to attend to their families too.
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Being clear with people, letting people know, and then setting an example that it’s okay to leave at 5 o’clock is powerful.

Glassdoor: One of the biggest hurdles we all face is time. How do you handle all that time at work away from family?

Krister Ungerboeck: I have been guilty in the past of spending too much time working. I used to tell people that my longest day was 42 hours. We now know – we have research that shows us – that we don’t function well in that kind of situation. You can’t get good work done.

Someone told me once that it’s actually the people who really should be respected are the people who are able to get the job done and achieve the business results in 40-50 hours, not the people who have to take 80 hours to do the same level of results.

Glassdoor: Knowing from data that too many hours aren’t productive, have you changed your use of time?

Krister Ungerboeck: Yes. I don’t think that I’ve consistently spent more than 45 hours in the office in ten years. With emailing and phoning time (from home) it’s maybe 50 hours. It gets done and I have a better balance. I don’t have all the stress and anger that built up when almost my whole life was work.

Glassdoor: By managing your hours, but not lessening your productivity it sets an example, too?

Krister Ungerboeck: Yes, that’s setting an example.

It’s how you treat your employees’ time that also sends a message. When I would call my executives on the weekend or in the evening I have told them to let the call go to voicemail. That way I can let them know if they need to return the call right away, or if it can wait until Monday. If it’s an urgent matter they know to call. I don’t think that, probably for the last 10 years, I can think of a time that I would regularly call any executives outside of business hours unless it was urgent. And if you have urgent matters more than a handful of times per year, then you probably have a different problem in your business.

Glassdoor: This study makes the point that fathers want to be more involved with family than in past generations. Is that true from your experience?

Krister Ungerboeck: I think definitely, that compared to the baby boomer parents, my generation (in his early 40s) wants more involvement in our kids’ lives. A lot of the CEOs I coach want, of course, to improve professionally, but they want help with their personal relationships too.

Glassdoor: You refer to yourself as a “Recovering Asshole CEO.” Why did you change that toxic part of your life?

Krister Ungerboeck: It was a combination of a couple things. Part of the change came about after one of those anonymous 360 surveys. It was part of a leadership program that I was participating in. I had been told that the more toxic the boss, the more data is needed. If 30 people are saying all the same things about you, it’s hard to ignore. I knew I had to change.

In my case, the 360 survey crossed from business to personal. Before this survey, I thought, ‘I’m a different person at work than I am personally.’ But the data showed I was having the same problems at home.

When you have toxic leaders, they’re probably carrying that over to how they’re raising their kids, or carrying over to how they’re communicating with their spouse. Probably better to catch that earlier, before you get divorced, or you find out you have adult children you’re not connected with.

Glassdoor: You’re saying that working style can follow you home? That work and home are intertwined and not in a good way sometimes?

Krister Ungerboeck: Yes. You may be saying to yourself, ‘Hey, that’s what’s gotten me successful as a CEO or a boss’, but if you don’t change that behavior then you’re going to be passing these traits on to your kids. If you’ve got a lot of stress at work, you may be taking that home, to your spouse and kids There’s a fair amount of data that that stress and anger and frustration is contagious. By taking that frustration and anger home, it spreads to their family.

Glassdoor: How do you remedy that cycle of stress which has so much to do with a skewed idea of masculinity?

Krister Ungerboeck: This goes back to getting rid of that stereotype of masculinity. Probably one of the most impactful experiences I had with my executive team was when we actually went through a vulnerability exercise, where each of the executive team members shared. Half the people were crying because they were talking about things that were very powerful, from their childhood mostly. That brought the team together at a whole new level than we had before.

Glassdoor: How do you show vulnerability and honesty to your employees? What was their reaction?

Krister Ungerboeck: I’ve gotten teared up in front of my employees. The first time I got choked up was probably about 10 years ago. I will admit that there were certainly some individuals who came to me and gave me feedback, that they actually felt that was inappropriate that I was emotional in front of employees. But just as many employees gave me positive feedback that they felt more connected.

Glassdoor: Was it men or women that made those negative comments?

Krister Ungerboeck: It was men. Frankly, I think the individuals who did that probably were just not comfortable with being vulnerable themselves. So, I took it with a grain of salt. Certainly, there are people out there who still subscribe to the CEO must not show weakness, but I think it’s better to be authentic in the long run.
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It’s hard to keep up that façade forever as a business becomes increasingly complex. It adds to the stress which bleeds into your home life.

Getting rid of toxic masculinity starts from the top. The leader’s actions give a clear indication of what’s valued in the working culture. If you appreciate your family and personal time, show it. That makes it all right for everyone and changes the culture.

From Founder to CEO Podcast Episode 185: What 3000% Growth Taught This CEO About Encouraging Others

You can’t ignore it. Your style as a Founder & CEO can help or hinder the growth of your company. Krister knows this first hand. This podcast originally appeared on From Founder to CEO. Listen to the podcast here, From Founder to CEO.

At age 42, Krister retired as CEO of a 3,000% growth company and founded Courageous Growth as a platform to mentor CEOs and give back to the community. It was during his tenure as CEO that he was confronted with feedback that was new and disconcerting to him. And it led him on an entirely new journey of self-discovery and helping others that you will definitely want to listen to in this very candid episode.

CLICK TO TWEET Your CEO style matters! Just ask @kristeru, CEO of a 3,000% growth company who discovered his style wasn't working https://fromfoundertoceo.com/?p=2970

 Name: Krister Ungerboeck, Founder & CEO

Company: Courageous Growth

Headquartered In: St. Louis, Missouri

Powerful Promise of Value: Courageous Growth works exclusively with owners, CEOs, future CEOs or 2ICs (2nd in Command) to accelerate their business and personal growth. The company typically works with technology and growth businesses with 50 – 500 employees seeking to double in size within the next 3-5 years. In addition to technology companies, Krister and his team also work with family businesses of all sizes seeking to accelerate the development of family leaders, future CEOs or 2IC (2nd in Command).

Seven Secrets To Survive Under A Toxic Boss

Krister Ungerboeck stops by to share seven ways for people to cope with toxic leadership in the workplace.

Does Your Mean Boss Cry Himself To Sleep At Night?

New study reveals that angry bosses are actually unhappy and unfulfilled. This article originally appeared at HR.com. To read the full article, visit HR.com.

A new management study has just uncovered something surprising: ‘Mean’ bosses often feel sad and empty at the end of the workday. The study, which was published by the Academy of Management Journal, also found that bosses who believe themselves to be powerful and commanding are the most likely to go home feeling unfulfilled.

This study has revealed what many of us have suspected for a long time, especially those of us who work with these types of leaders for a living. As a CEO coach, I have often found that the bosses who most crave power and control over others are almost always suffering from a great deal of insecurity and personal pain.

It might be hard to believe, as tend to imagine that highly-successful people must naturally be quite pleased with themselves. However, the opposite tends to be true. CEOs are often so successful because they are driven by their own feelings of inadequacy and their own fear of being ‘unmasked’ as an unworthy person.

So how can employees try to win over an angry, impossible-to-please boss?

Understand his point of view. The key is to realize that your ‘mean’ boss is actually a victim in his own head. He has no clue that he is the one in the wrong. As this study showed, your mean boss sees himself as a victim.

Again, I know this sounds hard to believe, but as a CEO coach I have witnessed this, every time. The most critical and aggressive bosses often come to me and complain that their employees are ‘ungrateful’ and that they don’t appreciate him. Although the thought of him as a victim might sound laughable to you, it’s crucial to understand your boss’ POV if you want to survive and thrive under his leadership. Of course, this doesn’t mean that your CEO’s behavior is okay (it certainly is not), but as Sun Tzu says, “Know thy self, know thy enemy.”

Mirror his statements. Victims feel empowered when they are heard. Help your boss feel empowered (and ergo less likely to lash out) by mirroring his statements. If he is highly stressed about a deadline, you can say “I hear that this project is really important to you. You really need me to finish this quickly,” rather than just saying ‘Okay’ or ‘Sure.’”

Don’t ask questions that begin with ‘why.’ When you ask a question that starts with why, it tends to put people on the defensive right away. they feel a burden of proof, a need to give you answers and explanations. This will trigger your boss’s victim persona. Instead, use declarative statements like, “I could use some guidance on this particular issue” or “I wonder if there is another approach we could take.”

Don’t overdo your presence. The recent media dustup over Steve Harvey’s memo demanding space from his employees highlights an important issue: Many CEOs and managers simply feel overwhelmed from constant questions and needs all day. Try to corral all of your questions, ideas and concerns into one face-to-face with your boss, rather than popping in and out randomly to ask questions as they arise. Pretend you’re George Costanza—always leave ‘em wanting more!

Be careful about emails. Studies prove that emails are less persuasive than in-person interactions. So, if you’re asking for a vacation day or you need to leave early, ask in person. Other studies show that emails with succinct subject headers get opened more than those with long subject lines. Keep it short, sweet and face-to-face if you want to stay on your mean boss’s good side.

Silicon Valley has idolized Steve Jobs for decades—and it’s finally paying the price

Steve Jobs has been called the greatest businessman the world has ever seen and the best CEO of this generation. This article originally appeared on Quartz. To read the full article, visit Quartz.

But he’s also the same man who would allegedly yell at people for 30 minutes straight, cut in front of his employees at lunchtime, berate hospitality and restaurant staff, park in handicapped spaces, said all HR personnel have a “mediocre mentality,” and told his staff how much they “sucked.”

Whether it’s the 19th-century railroad industrialist George Pullman or Mr. Spacely from The Jetsons, CEOs have always been a surly bunch. But in recent years, it seems that being an asshole has become an aspirational trait.

It’s no wonder. Walter Isaacson’s biography Steve Jobs didn’t just create a Hollywood hit: It created a manual for any bosses seeking a hall pass for their temper tantrums. Along with recounting Jobs’s blistering behavior and his “perverse eagerness” for putting people down, Isaacson remarks that “people who were not crushed ended up being stronger” and that those employees who were most abused by Jobs ended up accomplishing things “they never dreamed possible” thanks to his harsh treatment.

In other words, it’s okay to tell your employees that their work is shit and to park your Mercedes across two handicapped parking spaces—as long as the end result is a successful product.

No wonder we now have people like Uber CEO Travis Kalanick and Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos making numerous headlines for their tempestuous behavior. Several Uber executives have left the company, while investors have publicly criticized Kalanick, saying that there are “toxic patterns” in the Uber workplace. Meanwhile, Amazon has a reputation for being a “bruising workplace,” the kind of office where people regularly break down at their desks, and where grown men leave the conference room with their faces covered to hide their tears.

Silicon Valley decided that internet connectivity matters more than human connectivity.

Somewhere along the way, it seems that Silicon Valley decided that internet connectivity matters more than human connectivity; that a surfeit of technical intelligence can make up for a dearth of emotional intelligence. After all, if it worked for a genius like Jobs, it can’t be that bad.

Except it is. While this management style might work in the short-term, employees can’t flourish for long under a narcissistic, demanding boss. As recounted in the Isaacson’s biography, Jobs’s acid tongue eventually caused his employees to burn out. After working 10 months of 90-hour workweeks, one employee finally quit in exasperation after Jobs walked into the room and told everyone how “unimpressed” he was with what they were doing. Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak said “some of the most creative people in Apple who worked on the Macintosh” left the company and refused to ever again work for Jobs again. Because of Jobs’ nasty temper, Apple lost out on impressive talent.

New research bears out these experiences. Studies have shown that hyper-critical leadership not only leads to unmotivated employees and office in-fighting but can also lead to serious issues like depression, high blood pressure, weight gain, substance abuse, and even premature death.

But can we really blame Jobs for this legacy of emotionally lethal (and perhaps literally lethal) work environments?

“Managers who try to emulate Mr. Jobs by just being rude or aggressive are missing the point,” Issacson says. “Mr. Jobs was striving for perfection.” But within this justification lies the problem. Of course Jobs wanted perfection—all CEOs do. But why is bullying considered an effective, let alone acceptable, way to motivate your team to perfection? Jobs was famous for the way he would obliterate his staff, often in public, which maximized their humiliation by making it a spectacle rather than a private affair. Are we to believe that shaming employees is what made Apple great?

Recent research on shame and the devastating impact it can have on a person’s motivation, creativity, and behavior would say otherwise. Shame has been linked to depression, alcoholism, obesity, violence, and even recidivism in inmates. As author and shame researcher Brené Brown says, “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”

It’s simple: The worse we feel about ourselves as people, the less we are able to make good choices and perform to our highest potential. Making your employees feel terrible about themselves isn’t just an ineffective leadership tool: It’s also just plain lazy. It takes no special skill to scream at someone, and it’s easy to lash out when you are angry or disappointed. But to lead with dignity, composure, kindness, and self-awareness? That takes effort. That takes maturity. And it doesn’t come naturally to most of us.

Whether or not it comes easily, emotional intelligence ought to be the foremost requirement for our companies’ leaders. These skills can be taught, CEOs can change, and we can demand better. A boss in Silicon Valley who isn’t an asshole? Now that would be “thinking different.”

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